Misanthropy

"In my life, why do I smile at people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?"  ~Morrissey

As time progresses, I become increasingly less tolerant toward mankind in general.  Seriously.  I think it's becoming a problem.  During the course of a normal day, I have at least 5 interactions where I just want to ask the person's parents if they wish there was a way to undo a birth.  Ironically, it makes me feel even worse when I start comparing myself.  If these people have somehow managed to make it through 20, 30, 50 years of life in a decent spot, I should be the ruler of a small country or something.  However, despite the rumors that you may have heard (and I may have started), I am not. 

At this point, I pretty much only have patience for children, the elderly, and coma victims.  And to be honest, old people kind of creep me out, so I may as well scratch them off the short list of people I can be around without wanting to bash my head into a wall.  As a matter of fact, I'm on the border taking myself off the damn list.  Initially, I thought cloning myself a hundred times would be a solution to my people-hate problem, but the more I thought about it, the more terrible the idea seemed. For starters, I don't know how to clone people.  Secondly,  I'm actually fairly certain that I would violently attack myself after about 2 hours.  It takes a specific kind of person to tolerate me, and I don't think I qualify for the job. 

So my new plan is start my own religion cult.  I can think of a million reasons as to why this is a great idea.

1)  You can make a ton of money off people whose personalities doom them to be blind followers.  I mean, look at that Scientology guy.  If people can be convinced that aliens are god, and that they have to pay to discover this "truth," then they can be talked into just about anything.  And I'm sure I can come up with something better than that.  Aliens? Really???

2) I don't mind people so much when they do what I tell them to.  If I'm the leader of this cult, they really have no choice but to listen to me, right?

3) I am a natural-born leader.  Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time harnessing this skill and molding it into anything useful or lucrative.  I don't like managing because employees generally suck and don't listen, and I just have no patience for that.  But people in cults. . .  These are people who want nothing more than to be lead.  To not think or act for themselves.  This is a group of people that I feel I can definitely work with.

4)  One of my favorite past times is being the absolute center of attention.  I've never actually been worshipped, but I have a feeling that it'd be right up my alley.

5) I really have nothing better to do at the moment.


So there ya go, kids.  If you dislike people, and don't have much in the way of real-world skills, starting a cult might be the way to go for you.