Happy Birthday to. . . not me.

You know how a lot of companies will send you e-coupons during the month of your birthday?  Well, I just got something from flowers.com telling me not to miss the "birthday sale."  So I'm thinking, "Yeah.  Like I'm going to order flowers for myself for my birthday.  What a stupid coupon."  Not that I haven't ordered flowers for myself before; I have.  I was so nerdy in school that I used to send myself the little valentines suckers and flowers that you could order in the cafeteria to be delivered to home room the next day. . . Because I knew I wouldn't be getting them from anyone else.  Although oddly enough,  a few people came out of the woodwork way after high school to tell me that they used to have a crush on me, but couldn't tell me because they didn't want to get made fun of.  (Way to blow your second shot, by the way.)   See, if all of these people just would have spoken up in school, I may have actually had a shot at being cool. 

Anyway, back to the coupon.  Turns out the birthday sale was to celebrate the birth of flowers.com, not me.  This is how self-centered I am.  I just assume there is a sale for my  birthday.  And even though I wasn't going to order them in the first place, now I feel like a have a valid reason not to.  How dare they try to overshadow my birthday, AND make me look like a self-centered moron in the process (See "Shiny, Happy People Part 2" to get a better perspective of the irony here).   Should I ever need to order flowers in the future, it will most definitely not be from flowers.com. 

. . .And that's how the internet ruined my birthday.


Side note:  My birthday is not actually until May 29th, and thankfully, I've managed to work past this flower incident enough that I feel like I may still have a shot at enjoying it.  And please -- I know you all want to send flowers, but I ask that you kindly refrain from doing so as this has been a difficult process for me.


Side note part 2:  I lied.  I really want flowers.  I don't particularly like them, but since my birthday is going to be me hanging out with my sister's friends, I want people to notice me and wish they had as many flower-sending admirers as I do.